he's over me

I am shivering again.
It's shiver when I'm thinking of him; and that I have lost him.
I can't control it anyhow. Its like seeing a dog shivering on the street w/o shelter that kind of shiver.

I've lost him. Completely.
Heart broken. again.

He's found himself a younger good-looking girl.
I've lost the battle.

Logged on to FB this morning and found out that his relationship has changed from being "complicated" in to "in a relationship" with someone.
It's that moment when I see it, it struck me.
Tears instantly came out of no where.
But as imaginative or silly I was, I was right.
That this kind of 'drama' would appeal. That he would have a new lover soon.

Called my friend instantly, told her what happened.
Talked to some other friends as well.
Wise words makes me feel better. But sometimes I will just fall hard.

Dreamt of getting back together with him for the whole past week.
It's the same turbulant. I'd always watched horror movies, but I'll dream of happy things.
Same concept again.
When I dreamt of getting back with him.. Bad things happened.
Him totally over me.
That whole dream getting back together with him was so clear and true till I wanted to go back to sleep again.
But somehow, I got up. Straight to the computer and found the truth out.

It's a feeling I can't pretty much describe. Couldn't utter a word..
..it's as if me seeing hailstones falling all over my body.
Just don't know if there is a hand pulling me up to a shelter.

I have been 'avoiding' my cell phone.
Coz it's the only way we've got closed and being together. All the sweet talkings.

Today I held it up and started reading those messages he sent me from the beginning till the end.
From being sweet-lovie-dovie I love yous and I miss you and I won't stop believing in you etc etc etc..
..to you magnify my weakness and you're mean and we're being emotional now, I think we should talk things over.. "know that I love".
That was the last ever 'I love you' I could ever hear from him ever. Ever in this life of mine!


...it was March 3rd 2008.






HerGard3n.