Seven day..
You're not online for seven days.
Haven't talked to you for 7days.
Saw a girl sent you a testimonial
She said:"Hey babeh.. i'll see you tmr okay.. Dun be late okay.. Muacks muacks..."
Seeing these words. Typing this words. Makes me feel digusted.
You didn't approve my testimonial. I sent a blank one.
Just like we always do when we don't know what to say to each other; we send each other blank messages..
Missing you. Every single seconds.
Hate to keep searching things to do. There's not much to do here.
Nothing helped. Watched a few love movies.
The films here, sex scenes are not cencored.
Miss your touch. Every single part of my body you touched.
Your face Your hands Your body next to me..
You hands over my waist My face My neck My chest My tummie My everything..
Missed the way you look at me when you eyes tells me how much you love me.
My heart feels like marshmellow melting
it hurts.
You're not there.
Haven't appear online lately?
So many things I want to tell you.
Time is running real slow.
Wished I could turn back time.
But it will never happen. I know I am silly.
My great friend told me:"Even if you've done something wrong, if a person loves you, they will accep you for who you are.. No matter what."
I put that thought on my head and then I toss it away.
Maybe I am escaping facts. And yes. I refused to accept it.
One of my friend's GF got pregnant for somebody elses baby. He still accepted her back as his GF. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
That was an example my great friend gave me.
But i told her that it was my fault for being selfish as well.
Really selfish.
Regretting each day.
Really hoping wishing pray? maybe not. But desired desperately wants him back!
I just don't want anything else that i have asked for.
No changes.
Nothing!
NOTHING anymore AT ALL that I want.. I just want to cherish your love for me and a day to love you more...............................................
Losing you is my biggest mistake so far.
I.AM.SORRY.
P/s:
Me: You reading my post? Its a bit geli though.
Her: Geli pun geli lah! I will read it. It's the precious moment you share with each other. Amd must be beautiful to you."
My heart is tearing again.
My mind:"yes it was."
HerGad3n.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
another day..
really ran out of thoughts
if he still loves me OR does he not
really dont know
and fed up.
dreamt i had sex with him
it didnt occur to me at all.. i mean sex
it had never crossed my mind at all
all i have thought about was him coming back
not the sex part!
sigh
i really dont know
lost.
he is the first man i'd even had sex with
and i want it to be the first and the last
no one shall get into me ever for this life of mine.
..unless if we really didn't work out.
talked to him two days ago
he's finally asked how i was doing
he passed his test
i feel so proud of him.
fact that he asked me how was i
it made my day.
tried calling him a couple of times just now
he didn't pick up
in fact, he turned of his phone
he is not a vain person
i can tell u this
he is a very loving person
despite what i am writing here
it all might sound like he is a vain person
i can tell you this here
he is not.
feel really lost now
not going anywhere
even it was ONLY less than two months it happened
but it felt like 2years
i've lost the sense of time.
just hope and pray that he will not fall in love with other woman out there
i still care for him
yes i do
i love this man
forever it may be.
hergard3n.
if he still loves me OR does he not
really dont know
and fed up.
dreamt i had sex with him
it didnt occur to me at all.. i mean sex
it had never crossed my mind at all
all i have thought about was him coming back
not the sex part!
sigh
i really dont know
lost.
he is the first man i'd even had sex with
and i want it to be the first and the last
no one shall get into me ever for this life of mine.
..unless if we really didn't work out.
talked to him two days ago
he's finally asked how i was doing
he passed his test
i feel so proud of him.
fact that he asked me how was i
it made my day.
tried calling him a couple of times just now
he didn't pick up
in fact, he turned of his phone
he is not a vain person
i can tell u this
he is a very loving person
despite what i am writing here
it all might sound like he is a vain person
i can tell you this here
he is not.
feel really lost now
not going anywhere
even it was ONLY less than two months it happened
but it felt like 2years
i've lost the sense of time.
just hope and pray that he will not fall in love with other woman out there
i still care for him
yes i do
i love this man
forever it may be.
hergard3n.
Friday, April 18, 2008
self-world
i'm crying again.
just cant stop can i??
listened to too many emo songs tonight.
really running out of words to express myself
he's not online for two days
cant help it; didnt listen to my friendd's advice, hope she doesnt feel upset coz i didnt tell her that i call. again.
he is watching a match i think. his frien'd im said something about MU.
his voice seems much relaxed than two days ago; he sounded exhausted.
i miss you. that is what i want to tell you.
are you there listening to me? can you hear my heart & mind?
Because I can't listen to yours.
Hate myself for being so weak.
you are just not there for me
i was being a jerk have i?
miss u badly
miss u terribly
are you there?
are you listening to me?
the wall between us.. when is it going to break?
when will you hear me
when will you give me a chance
i miss you badly
how many times i want to say that
i'm telling no one except talking to myself abd telling my friends how much i miss him
they must have feel fed up already
yea. losing myself in the self world again have i?
cant let you go
dont know if you still loves me as the way it was
are you hiding your love to let me be respossible more for myself?
cant do it. i can do it...no! yes!!! struggleing thru this is hard.. hate how crappy i feel now.
no one there is there?
hergad3n.
just cant stop can i??
listened to too many emo songs tonight.
really running out of words to express myself
he's not online for two days
cant help it; didnt listen to my friendd's advice, hope she doesnt feel upset coz i didnt tell her that i call. again.
he is watching a match i think. his frien'd im said something about MU.
his voice seems much relaxed than two days ago; he sounded exhausted.
i miss you. that is what i want to tell you.
are you there listening to me? can you hear my heart & mind?
Because I can't listen to yours.
Hate myself for being so weak.
you are just not there for me
i was being a jerk have i?
miss u badly
miss u terribly
are you there?
are you listening to me?
the wall between us.. when is it going to break?
when will you hear me
when will you give me a chance
i miss you badly
how many times i want to say that
i'm telling no one except talking to myself abd telling my friends how much i miss him
they must have feel fed up already
yea. losing myself in the self world again have i?
cant let you go
dont know if you still loves me as the way it was
are you hiding your love to let me be respossible more for myself?
cant do it. i can do it...no! yes!!! struggleing thru this is hard.. hate how crappy i feel now.
no one there is there?
hergad3n.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Lost
Really don't know.
Where am I?
Where am I going?
He has not talk to me 3days. Just can't stop staring at the monitor to see if he comes online.
Today the whole day.. He finally appeared. For 5minutes in the msn.
The time shows 6.44pm in the Facebook where he appeared to approved a friend's request.
Yes. I sound creepy don't I? Stalker?
*Sigh*
I really don't know.
I'm overseas. He's there; else where.
Really clueless.
Assignments, works etc. A lot of work. But I don't seem to interest any of those.
Really sad. Shed tears more than 7times a week. Can't seem to sleep well.
Losing faith? I don't know. I really don't know..
Work!!!! It's been up there in my mind everyday everynight every second!!
Can't get it off me!
But HE is the main reason that has distracted.
How I wished I could turn back time. Really hate this.
Hate the feeling of being at home, doing nothing BUT just purely him him HIM all over my mind.
He has not leave my mind. Not one second.
Confession: Met a guy in the bar. No, actually I'd texted him. Met him in a party. He's a loser I feel. He couldn't even pay the 3dollar entrance fee to the bar. I paid for hid drinks. He was nice.. Well not the $$ part. But he was really nice in terms of talking to me. He's lost his engagement a couple of months ago as well. And her name was as same as mine. He's been picking up girls according to him. He just wants to have fun now. He wanted me to go to his place. But I refused. Yes, I refused. It was tempting though to be honest. I have never felt I needed someone so so much at this point. We kissed. Yes we did. It was really wrong. And I know it. I kissed with my eyes closed. He said I was a good kisser. I want the feeling back. It's just now the same. The feeling of a guy sweet talking to me and a guy whom I fought with frequently but have strong feelings towards him.
I just couldn't help it. I miss his cuddles, his kiss on my forehead, my nose,my cheeks and my thin lips. And his touch.. The way he lays his hand on my face and kiss me... Oh God!! Why this is happening???? I want him back.. I'd do anything to have him back... Just please tell me what I should do.....
It's crazy. I feel completely miserable. Without him talking to me everynight before I go to sleep and tells me how much he loves me.
Cry... That is all I could do now.
I can't decribe how much I love this man. He is just the perfect amongst the perfect for me.
He is the one I want to marry.
The feelings.. Please don't fade. Come back to him please.
I love him. I love him. I love him dearly. Is he thinking bout me as well?
Miserable,
hergard3n.
Where am I?
Where am I going?
He has not talk to me 3days. Just can't stop staring at the monitor to see if he comes online.
Today the whole day.. He finally appeared. For 5minutes in the msn.
The time shows 6.44pm in the Facebook where he appeared to approved a friend's request.
Yes. I sound creepy don't I? Stalker?
*Sigh*
I really don't know.
I'm overseas. He's there; else where.
Really clueless.
Assignments, works etc. A lot of work. But I don't seem to interest any of those.
Really sad. Shed tears more than 7times a week. Can't seem to sleep well.
Losing faith? I don't know. I really don't know..
Work!!!! It's been up there in my mind everyday everynight every second!!
Can't get it off me!
But HE is the main reason that has distracted.
How I wished I could turn back time. Really hate this.
Hate the feeling of being at home, doing nothing BUT just purely him him HIM all over my mind.
He has not leave my mind. Not one second.
Confession: Met a guy in the bar. No, actually I'd texted him. Met him in a party. He's a loser I feel. He couldn't even pay the 3dollar entrance fee to the bar. I paid for hid drinks. He was nice.. Well not the $$ part. But he was really nice in terms of talking to me. He's lost his engagement a couple of months ago as well. And her name was as same as mine. He's been picking up girls according to him. He just wants to have fun now. He wanted me to go to his place. But I refused. Yes, I refused. It was tempting though to be honest. I have never felt I needed someone so so much at this point. We kissed. Yes we did. It was really wrong. And I know it. I kissed with my eyes closed. He said I was a good kisser. I want the feeling back. It's just now the same. The feeling of a guy sweet talking to me and a guy whom I fought with frequently but have strong feelings towards him.
I just couldn't help it. I miss his cuddles, his kiss on my forehead, my nose,my cheeks and my thin lips. And his touch.. The way he lays his hand on my face and kiss me... Oh God!! Why this is happening???? I want him back.. I'd do anything to have him back... Just please tell me what I should do.....
It's crazy. I feel completely miserable. Without him talking to me everynight before I go to sleep and tells me how much he loves me.
Cry... That is all I could do now.
I can't decribe how much I love this man. He is just the perfect amongst the perfect for me.
He is the one I want to marry.
The feelings.. Please don't fade. Come back to him please.
I love him. I love him. I love him dearly. Is he thinking bout me as well?
Miserable,
hergard3n.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
There; but not there.
You said you want some time to consider having me back.
I was really happy to hear that.. :')
I will wait for your answers. Thank you for re-considering this relationship. It really helped a lot. At least I know that you still loves me, but really angry at me..
I'm thinking about you sayang...
Haven't seen you online tonight. My housemate's pc blew up, she needs me pc to do her assignments. I guess you won't be seeing me online or put on 'away' in msn messenger tonight..
Having lots of things happening in class. Mat sallehs' looking down on us(asians) and they seem to dislike us a lot.
But will try my best to cope up with my work. Coz me and my chinese classmates are behind schedule. *sigh* Ganbatte! ^o^
Miss you baby...
P/s: Winds are blowing really hard and loud outside. I can feel the rain hitting on my windows and the building moving bits. *scared* :S
HerGard3n.
I was really happy to hear that.. :')
I will wait for your answers. Thank you for re-considering this relationship. It really helped a lot. At least I know that you still loves me, but really angry at me..
I'm thinking about you sayang...
Haven't seen you online tonight. My housemate's pc blew up, she needs me pc to do her assignments. I guess you won't be seeing me online or put on 'away' in msn messenger tonight..
Having lots of things happening in class. Mat sallehs' looking down on us(asians) and they seem to dislike us a lot.
But will try my best to cope up with my work. Coz me and my chinese classmates are behind schedule. *sigh* Ganbatte! ^o^
Miss you baby...
P/s: Winds are blowing really hard and loud outside. I can feel the rain hitting on my windows and the building moving bits. *scared* :S
HerGard3n.
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